


Sergeant Honeybadger

by sgtcalhouns



Category: Wreck-It Ralph (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 18:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17813237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgtcalhouns/pseuds/sgtcalhouns
Summary: Felix is the king of bad timing and obliviousness





	Sergeant Honeybadger

“Alright, ladies, get in line,” barked Sergeant Calhoun.

Her men stood before her, ready to start another day of gaming. She always began the day with a stern lecture–it was good to give the soldiers a daily reminder that she was in charge and she could easily pummel any one of them if she so chose. Resting her blaster against her shoulder, she paced in front of them as she continued.

“I want you all on your best behavior today. None of that goofing around between quarter alerts I saw yesterday, or nobody leaves this game for a week,” she paused, giving a pointed glare to each man in the ranks for emphasis. “Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” they replied in unison.

In the back of a group, a voice could just barely be heard mumbling under his breath.

“It’s not like anything bad happened,” the man grumbled.

The sergeant froze in place, a mix of shock and what could almost be described as amusement evident on her face. She stepped forward and the crowd parted, allowing her to walk through the group to face the insubordinate soldier directly.

“Tell me something, Marco,” she said. “Was it you or someone else who stepped on that cybug egg, causing it to hatch outside of gameplay?”

He shrank under her steely gaze, and before he could reply, she had turned her back to him, sauntering back in front of the group before placing her blaster in its designated holster on her back. A couple of soldiers snickered.

“You think it’s funny, do you?” Calhoun asked with one eyebrow raised.

Her men knew that look, and no good could come of it. The rest of the company immediately began scolding the offenders, but she quickly silenced them by raising a hand.

“Since Marco thinks it’s no big deal, and since it’s so funny to Greene and Markowski, I’m sure none of you will mind staying late tonight to clean every weapon in our arsenal,” she said nonchalantly.

The men groaned, glaring at their peers who had gotten them into this mess.

“Now, does anyone else have anything to say about this?” she said. “Because I’ve got plenty of floors that could use a good wax.”

A resounding “No, ma’am,” sounded from the group. Calhoun smiled with satisfaction and was about to pick up where she had left off when a familiar  _boing_  echoed through the base.

“Hi, Tammy!” Felix called brightly, strolling casually through the platoon to get to her.

“Felix, what–”

“You left your helmet in my apartment,” he interrupted, holding up the item in question. “Can’t have you fightin’ off cybugs without the proper protection!”

She struggled to remain composed in front of her men, a task which proved difficult as Felix stopped in front of her, offering her a cheery smile. Already she could hear the group beginning to talk amongst themselves. Felix held out her helmet, and the moment she took it from him, he began chattering away again.

“I also couldn’t help but notice you left without any breakfast this morning,” he scolded. “I know you always say you’re fine without it, but we talked about this. You’ve gotta start your day off right.”

The composure of the men standing before her was quickly dwindling away; they weren’t even trying to hide their laughter as the short-statured handyman attempted to scold their sergeant. She inwardly cursed Felix’s timing. He had no clue what he had just interrupted, or the months of intimidation he had just undone. It would take her weeks to rebuild her tough reputation, and still, she knew they would never truly forget this moment.

“I went ahead and brought you some toast,” he said, presenting her with a brown paper bag. “I know you might not want to, but please, at least  _try_  to eat it. For me?”

At this, he looked up at her with those big, pleading, puppy-dog eyes that she could never resist. She nodded slowly, taking the bag from him. He gave her a bright smile in return.

“That’s the spirit, darlin’!” he said. “I betcha this’ll put an extra spring in your step–those darn cybugs won’t know what hit ‘em!”

Tamora glanced between Felix and her men, feeling completely mortified. She wanted nothing more than to disappear, and she would rather stay late and wax the floors herself than admit to the blush that had crept into her cheeks. Felix, for his part, was still completely oblivious to the scene he was causing.

“I’d better run before the arcade opens,” Felix said. “I’ll be back to pick you up tonight the minute we get the all-clear.”

He hopped up to her height, kissing her sweetly on the cheek. She felt her cheeks heat up even further at his brazen display of affection. Whistling an upbeat tune, he made his way back through the group of soldiers as casually as he had entered just a few minutes prior. Before he had made it all the way out of the game, he called out to Tamora one last time.

“Have a great day, honeybadger! I love you!”

A stunned silence fell over her troops. Suddenly, one man could no longer hold in his laughter, and the rest quickly followed. Tamora stood before them, positively fuming.

“That’s enough, get to start positions, now!” she ordered.

They began to scatter, forcing down their amusement in preparation for the opening of the arcade. One soldier, however, wasn’t quite ready to let it go.

“Aye-aye, Sergeant Honeybadger,” Markowski said.

Calhoun stormed up to him bearing an intense scowl, the likes of which her squadron had never seen.

“Alright, Markowski, you just earned yourself a month of patrol duty. I hope you like this game, because you won’t be leaving it anytime soon,” she said coolly. “And if you have anything else to say about it, I will personally drag you to the roof of the apartment building of Fix-It Felix Jr. and toss you off myself.”

She stalked off, hoping no one would notice if she snuck away to a corner to quickly eat the toast Felix had brought her. All that disciplining had caused her to work up quite the appetite. Despite his punishment, Markowski couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

“Worth it.”


End file.
